You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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