I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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