just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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