Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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