Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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