the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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