I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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