so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize