Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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