so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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