i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize