Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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