Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
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I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
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I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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