I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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