Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize