Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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