I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize