just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I AM VODKA MAN
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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