While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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