she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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