so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
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I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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