The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
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My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
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Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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