Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
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