i always forget guys have bellybuttons
what day is it and did you see me today?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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