Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
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security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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