Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize