Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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