don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She even gives head with a lisp.
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
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Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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