Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize