I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize