I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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