Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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