Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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