I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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