Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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