I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize