I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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