you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize