Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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