I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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