She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
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i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
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I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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