I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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