He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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