i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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