i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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