Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize