she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
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Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
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Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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