the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
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I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
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You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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