Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
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He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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