I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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